I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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