Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
