I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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