He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize