Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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