Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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