whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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