My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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