Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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