I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
