I molested 6 butterflies tonight
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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