She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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