Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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