my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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