Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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