great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
