The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
