so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
