so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
