What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
