he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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