no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
