Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
