she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
