Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
