In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
