Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
