Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
