Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Randomize
