i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Sober January is a disaster.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
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