I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My vagina is officially offended.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
