For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
