So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
