I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
