I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
