Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dear god my vagina.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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