Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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