I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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