Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
