East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
