you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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