I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
