god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
