I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
