i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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