So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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