I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
