...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
