sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
