Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
