It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i was born a porn star she said
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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