nut hugger
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
