Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
