yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
