Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
