I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
