I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
