Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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