I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
