too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
