Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
