Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize