I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
