So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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