It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize