she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
