Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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