"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
