Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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