2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
