I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
