I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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